A Lactards Lament

Anyone who knows me well enough to discover this blog most likely knows of my endless struggle with the human digestive system.

In a nutshell, I am broken.
I am broken with no hope of repair.

I wasn't always like this..
There was a time, many years ago, that I could enjoy a bowl of ice-cream without having to concern myself with my proximity to a bathroom.

Those days are gone.

For years I tried to compromise with my body...

"Body", I said.
"I will promise not to drink any milk-shakes if you will just let me enjoy the occasional slice (or four) of pizza."

And it worked.
For several years in fact.

Those days are gone now as well.

I am no longer able to negotiate with my body.
My body is living life on its own terms,
regardless of what my mind might be craving.

Despite my complaints, I have actually accepted this sad fact and have been coping (successfully) with it for some time now.

My morning oatmeal is no longer mixed with the 2% milk of yester year.
I have opted instead for the "Rice Dream".

And what a dream it is.

And these days, when my friends invite me over for pizza on the occasional Friday night, I dare to heed the advice of former first-lady Nancy Reagan and just say...

"No."

Which leaves me where I am today...

Staring, in disgust, at an open container of a pint of the worst tasting concoction ever to have parted my lips.

"Dairy-free" Ice Cream.

Like I said...

Broken.

- J

Anyone remember this little gem?

Just got a copy of this at Target. How much you ask?... $5

Stomping in my Air Force Ones.....

Someone recently told me if I got a pair of these the ladies would be all over me...

Let the experiment begin.

Adventures in Dallas: Part 1

Oh Dallas, Texas...where to begin?
I really didn't know what to expect when I hit the road for the Lone Star State. I thought it would be big. And flat. And hot. (It is, as it turns out) But it is also very green and humid. The weather here actually reminds me very much of Hawaii. (Im told that will change soon.) There have been a lot of thunderstorms here. A recent one in particular caused the Dallas Cowboys training facility to collapse on top of its rookie players. Luckily that particular storm didn't do any damage to any of the surrounding buildings in the area, as my apartment happens to be one of them.

Besides the Dallas Cowboys, Dallas is also home to lots of other things....
Like strip clubs. Lots and lots of them.
Seriously. Strip clubs everywhere.
And Indians...
Not like Cowboys and Indians.
Indians like on Slumdog Millionaire.

I don't know why this is so shocking to me.
I know that the United States is a culturally diverse place.
And I know that there are a lot of people from India living in different areas of the country. It just didn't occur to me that Texas was one of those places.
The theater near my apartment even shows movies from India on a regular basis.

I have made it a goal to infiltrate the Indian community by the end of summer.
I have made contact with a few of them, but they haven't quite accepted me as one of their own.
Yet.

Lets see... what else is going on in Dallas?
Oh yeah, Swine Flu!
The media sure ran with that one didn't they?
I actually saw people walking around here in face masks.
Nothing like a little pandemic to scare the bujesus out of you.
Did I spell bujesus right?

Maybe its just me....

Sometimes I will here a song and immediately I will remember a person or certain moment from my past that I associate with that song. I know that it is common for certain smells to trigger specific memories in people but I think for me it happens more often with music. For example: Everytime I hear a song by The Cure I immediately start thinking about my girlfriend from middle-school, Darci Aguilar. Or whenever Katy Perry comes on the radio, my friend Valori Boss pops into my head. Does this happen to everyone else?

A letter to Benjamin Gibbard.

Dear Mr. Gibbard,

I used to like you.
A whole lot in fact.
I liked your songwriting.
I liked both of your bands.
I could always count on you for a great live performance.
I really thought you were someone I could trust...

And then you went and took her away.

Damn you Benjamin Gibbard.
Damn you.

Sincerely,

Jonah Crowley

Recording.